goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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