what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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