I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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