my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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