Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
