And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
