they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
