I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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