just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
