Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
