First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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