Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
