6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
