I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
