you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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