4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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