Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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