then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
