He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
