actually, I'm a sock model
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
