What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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