We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've blown a few things in my day
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
