its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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