I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
