I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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