guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If that was your dad, he is hot
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
