I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
