i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
