people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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