hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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