I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
