i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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