Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
