is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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