Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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