The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize