I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
