I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
