the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
