I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I love you. Go after that dick
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
