No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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