Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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