just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
