Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
