did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
