I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
