Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
