We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize