96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
