oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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