he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
