Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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