Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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