that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
