there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
