Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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