She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
