He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
