Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
