just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
