Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
