If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
