Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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