I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
