nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
