Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
