Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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