found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
