Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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