Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
