Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
