i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize