her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
