Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
