I feel like abortions should bother me more
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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