In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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