i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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