Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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